Troubled Heart

Well hello and apologies for the gap since the last blog. I suppose I should talk about the second man - Man B. I made a point of not seeing him tonight; I wanted to know how it'd feel. Man B is a DJ; he looks great - dishevelled long blonde hair, the most amazing smile i've ever seen. He's not too tall, not too short. He's not fat but not thin - he's just right, cuddly but defined. I barely know him, but I think of him a lot. From our conversations, he seems to be an easy-going guy with a great sense of humour. We share the same taste in music and he has the life I wish I did - travelling the world to go to gigs. Man B represents my adventurous side, the side that just wants to say screw it and go and live a wild life with a smile constantly on my face. My reason for not seeing him tonight was to see how it'd feel, knowing I could be with him but I'm not. I've thought about it, but it's not as bad as expected. Maybe the crush isn't as strong as initially thought. However, I'm sure I'll see him soon and it could start all over again. Put Man A & Man B together, and I'd have my perfect man. Keep checking back for part 3... it gets more and more interesting!!

Well hello and apologies for the gap since the last blog.

I suppose I should talk about the second man - Man B. I made a point of not seeing him tonight; I wanted to know how it'd feel.

Man B is a DJ; he looks great - dishevelled long blonde hair, the most amazing smile i've ever seen. He's not too tall, not too short. He's not fat but not thin - he's just right, cuddly but defined.

I barely know him, but I think of him a lot. From our conversations, he seems to be an easy-going guy with a great sense of humour. We share the same taste in music and he has the life I wish I did - travelling the world to go to gigs.

Man B represents my adventurous side, the side that just wants to say screw it and go and live a wild life with a smile constantly on my face.

My reason for not seeing him tonight was to see how it'd feel, knowing I could be with him but I'm not. I've thought about it, but it's not as bad as expected. Maybe the crush isn't as strong as initially thought. However, I'm sure I'll see him soon and it could start all over again.

Put Man A & Man B together, and I'd have my perfect man.

Keep checking back for part 3... it gets more and more interesting!!

Hey

Here I am, as promised. As mentioned in my previous blog, I have recently met some new people who have made me question my current way of life. I love my man but there's no questioning that life can be difficult and recent events have made me wonder whether we have a future... I will be using pseudonyms throughout to conceal identities.

I should probably start with Man A, as this is probably the most straightforward of the lot. I met Man A recently whilst volunteering. He's tall, dark, handsome and a nice guy through and through. Like me, he loves the country and we share many hobbies. He's a simple guy with natural sun-tanned skin, green eyes and floppy hair. When he smiles his goofy smile, you can't help but smile with him; when he tells you his dreams, you wish you could be there when he achieves them - his kindness and optimism is infectious!! He caught my eye pretty much immediately, although I never dreamt that I would be sat here blogging about him! I stopped volunteering 2 months ago, but I've decided to go back.... my primary reason is to see him again. This isn't good when I'm in a long-term steady relationship. Plus, I don't know if he even likes me! We shared quite an awkward long goodbye but that could be because he was waiting to go, not because he didn't wanna say goodbye....
I like to think that I'd know if somebody liked me. Hell, I've never been wrong yet... but if he does like me back, there could be major complications. We live a long way away from each other, he has his days off mid-week, I have mine on weekends... Am I ready to change my life for one man and if I am, where does that leave the others who have impacted on me recently?

Man A is everything I miss from my current boyfriend - he seems to be a sweetheart through and through - he's a simple guy and I can only imagine that he'd make a simple partner, wanting happiness over anything else. He sounds too good to be true, doesn't he?

Welcome to my world!

More on this as it develops....

This blog has been set up so I can confidentially share my thoughts with nobody knowing who I am. I am a regular blogger under a different name, but obviously there are some things you can't share for fear of other people finding out and getting hurt

As the blog title suggests, I have a troubled heart and want to keep this blog as a diary of my thoughts, my actions and the outcomes, so I can look back one day and learn from it.

I'm in a steady relationship; I have been for 18 months. It's been a strange one - we've never argued and I've never considered breaking up with him, but there have been a lot of highs and a lot of lows. He makes me laugh, he makes me furious, he makes me feel better than anyone else ever has & I am constantly being surprised, even now.

Recently, there have been some people who have made quite an impact on me, all for different reasons, and it is this which has given me a troubled heart.

You'll find out more as the blogs go on; this introductory one really is just to set the scene.

More tomorrow xxx